| « Keeping It Stupid Simple | 2.23: Option 8743B-2 » |
"It's tough times all around," Matt D. wrote, "and that means we all have to make sacrifices. After receiving this email from management, I'll make sure to do my part and ration my paper clips."
From: Cole, William Sent: August 21, 2008 17:50 To: Everyone Subject: Office Supplies Dear all, We spend a lot of money each year on office supplies - a lot of this is unnecessary expenditure as there are people that hoard pens/plastic wallets etc, there are pens on the floor and I'm sure there are some things that migrate home. I am therefore putting an amnesty in place over the next week. Please can you ensure you return any excess you have of the following items to the PSO (preferably directly to the stationery cupboard if it is apparent where it goes. The maximum I would expect anyone to have is in brackets after the item. * Pen holder (1) * Pens (2 of each color) * Highlighter pens (1 of each color) * Pencils (3??) * Pencil sharpener (1) * Dry wipe markers (none) - kept in stationery cupboard * Flip chart pens (none) - kept in stationery cupboard * Staplers (1) * Staple removers (1) * Scissors (1) * Tipex (1) * Paperclips (20) * Bull dog clips (2 of each size) * Rubber bands (20) * Post-It pads (1 of each size) * Sellotape (1) * Plastic wallets (10) * Grids (10) * A4 ring binders (none) Can you also please check any unused pedestal and the floor under your desk. This exercise should also help to tidy up the offices which are starting to look trashy in some areas. Hoping I will get you co-operation in this Regards, Bill
The double question marks here indicate that there must have been a meeting that went something like this: Bill: Right, on to pencils, I think we can all agree that one pencil is quite enough for anyone. (discontented rumblings and coughings from around the table) Charles: Actually, I have five, and I use them all, two each on my desk, and in my laptop bag, and one spare. You know, you can never find a sharpener when you need one. ("hear, hear", say the mumblers) Bill: FIVE???!?!?!? No way! I buy your comment about sharpeners, so I'm putting it up to two. David: Now really, Bill, limiting pencils to two is a recipe for disaster. Personally, I have three, one in use, one spare, and one for emergencies. I really couldn't get by with a mere two pencils. ("hear, hear") Brian: No, I really must put my foot down, two pencils should be quite enough. David: Then you offer me no choice but to resign. Charles: Me, too. Two pencils indeed! (the amassed throng): Yes! We resign too! Brian: OK, OK, no one need resign, I'll put down 3, but you'll all have to share dry wipe markers. |
|
Dear all,
We spend a lot of money each year on managers - a lot of this is unnecessary expenditure as they spend their time micromanaging employees to no measurable savings. Please check the office for any unused managers and dispose of them in some appropriate way. This exercise should also help to tidy up the offices which are starting to look trashy in some areas. Hoping I will get you co-operation in this Regards, gabba |
|
I bring my own pens because I hate the cheap generic office version. But beyond that, say I blow through $100 in mis-used office supplies. That's a few hours of my pay. Given that I work on the order of 2,000 hours a year, I'd rate this somewhere between "petty" and "utterly pointless".
To repeat others: if your office is counting pencils, polish your resume. You'll be needing it soon. |
|
William,
I've spent the last two hours carefully going through my office supplies and returned the following: 3 rubber bands (1 broken) 12 paper clips 1 Tipex (I don't know what it's for) As we spend a lot of money on resources for IT, please return the following: 36 monitor pixels (12 of each color) 1 keyboard (please use your mouse to type) 4 gigabytes of server storage space (we've already removed your stuff) Thank you, Network Engineering |
| « Keeping It Stupid Simple | 2.23: Option 8743B-2 » |
